I am what I call a masochistic nerd.

After finishing my big project of a novel, I've opened my mind toward writing a stupid sequal.  Go me.

The good news is that Monday night went extremely well.  We had a good crowd, technology mostly cooperated, and I didn't stress more than I had hoped.  Although many of the attendees came primarily for one or the other of us, those who saw both seemed to be impressed and engaged in both topics.  That's an accomplishment.

Until the grade is on my transcript, I'm in limbo.

Also I should be submitting the manuscript for publication by the end of the semester.  Perhaps I'll make it my birthday present to myself next week.

And as Chris and I decided, we are incredibly dumb for putting so much work on ourselves.  Perhaps we have more of an honors mindset than I had originally thought.

Thank you to everyone who came on Monday.  It was truly an enjoyable time for us to show off ;)

If you couldn't come, we understand.  This is a busy time.  If you want to see the presentations, however, I should be able to get a video available within the next few weeks.  Probably online.

If you have any further comments or questions for either of us, (as I'm speaking for Chris as well), feel free to contact us or leave a comment/question here.

I hope everyone enjoys the last few days of the semester and has a restful, productive Christmas break! 

God bless!

Defiance can be good or bad.

Defiance can begin the horrors of this world, and defiance can bring those horrors to an end.  Which side are you on?  I'm not asking which side you want to be on.  I'm asking which side are you on?

Noah Webster defined morality as having two qualities: (1) a free agent acting in (2) obedience to some authority.  However, as soon as that motive is selfish or otherwise immoral, the whole action is considered immoral.

You can do some of the grandest things for people and yet still be acting immorally if you have the wrong reasons.

So defiance.  What are the motivations?  Besides "fixing" the world.  Are they just to be defiant?  To uphold a greater good?  Whose standard are you using?  Really really.  Listen to how you talk about who/what you are defying.  Is it out of compassion and love or anger and revenge?  Do you think of them as stupid or ignorant?

Did Christ ever speak evil of people when they weren't around?  Did he speak out of mercy and act out of love when he overturned the moneychangers in the temple?  I think so.  He acted in the only way those people would understand the severity of what they were doing.  Yet did he gossip or complain about them behind their backs?

Just a thought.

Also...

When I hear speakers talking about using our pains and scars of life to help others, I often forget and have been recently reminded repeatedly that using those pains requires having those pains.  In other words, we hurt.  It has to hurt.  It has to sting and ache and feel terrible.  Brokenness requires something to be broken, cracked, shattered.

Dang it, that sucks.

But what we learn and can use afterwards.... I can say that out of all the things that have pained me over the years, as much as it sucked at the time, I don't know that I would give any of it up.  Who knows how it might be used later, or even has been used already, for the betterment of myself and those around me.

The sucky part is that the pain still happened.  There was still time in which I was broken.  I hated myself, felt useless, loveless, and worthless.  Without that brokenness, where would we glean so much of our wisdom and compassion for others?

And I know it's not quite Thanksgiving yet, but that doesn't matter.  I do, in fact, thank God for you.  No matter who you are in my life, I can guarantee you've touched my heart in some way.  Thank you.

Things I've learned so far this week:

LOOK AT YOUR PLANNER!

The Writing Process can, indeed, be ironic as a thematic unit topic.

"Lorna Doone" is neither Scottish nor really about Lorna Doone.

Apparently exegeticals cannot be done in 8 pages.  Nice try, though.

Tests are still important, but other things come first.

Being "in your element" has to be euphoria incarnate.

Using big words makes you sound smarter.  (I already knew that.  Just reminded of it.)

My pinky nail broke off this morning.  You should see how short it is.  Almost painful... almost.

Hot peanut butter isn't too bad on spicy chicken.  Go figure.

Sleep should be prized above all other virtues of the day.

You can be a hero by remembering something your professor says a few times.  Just need the opportunity for it to really count.

Lilies will mess up your polo.  Don't try it.

Sometimes even professors can miss the point.  Ok, this actually happens a lot.  I know.

Fortune cookies can be hilarious.

Sleep wants to be my friend.  I should get to know this friend better.

Good night.

It's amazing how easy it is to separate home from home.  I mean, for me, Bolivar from Decatur.  When I am in one place I feel like the other is so far away and almost foreign, but when I'm in the other place I feel like I've always been there or have been gone only a day or so.

Although I must admit that Decatur is becoming more and more foreign to me.  This summer I might be spending June and July at home, which would be the longest span of time there since I started college.  And everything is so different.  So many different teachers at DCS, different stores at Hickory Point, so many people have changed and moved on and new ones taking their place that even the most familiar places are now unfamiliar.  I think sometimes Dad forgets how detached I am with Decatur, especially when he assumes I know something about such-and-such and I have to remind him I've been at college for over 3 years.

I knew this would happen, and I'm not exactly lamenting or anything.  It's just a strange feeling.  I grew up in Decatur for 16 years without going much of anywhere else (rarely to Springfield or Chicago, otherwise basically all my time was at home).  I've seen more of Missouri than I ever did of Illinois.

This detachment, I hope, will help with my transition to England.  I mean, I'd be leaving Bolivar anyway, so at least I won't be leaving Bolivar AND Decatur so close to my heart.  And if I come home to visit much, "home" would be more of Missouri than Illinois.  Missouri is where I found myself, where I've grown into the adult I am, where I've made the friends who've had the biggest impact on my life so far.  Yeah, I'll visit my family in Illinois, but I also gotta visit my "family" elsewhere.

Man, I've exponentially multiplied my sentimentality the last few months... go me.

I might add more later.  I've gotten distracted by the tv and have lost my train of thought.

Another poor attempt at poetry.  This is definitely one of those spur-of-the-moment things that I don't really care if it makes sense to anyone else.  It makes sense to me.

The mist rolling in,
I can feel iton my cheek,
It fills my lungs,
I can breathe easier now.

I don't always know,
I don't always care,
But this time,
This time I know you're here.

The mist is cool to my touch,
I pull my coat tighter to me,
But I breathe in,
Breathing deeper than ever before.

I imagine walking down a busy London street,
Gotta catch my train on the Tube,
Can't be late for school,
Gotta teach those kids.

My eyes open and I'm not there,
I'm here,
Away from all that,
Yet knowing it's not time yet.

But I look forward,
My heart races,
I perservere in favor of a goal,
I don't just want to get out--I want to do.

I'll do what it takes,
I'll say what I need to,
I'll learn what I fear,
When the time comes I'll even let go.

Something there before me,
Something bigger than me,
Something exciting for me,
Something waiting for me.

But not yet,
I'm still here yet,
It's not time yet,
I'm not ready yet.

The mist rolls in,
I breathe it in,
The feelings rush in,
The cool wet fills in.

Just wait, my lovely new home,
Just wait until I come home,
Until the day you are my real home,
Until the day I can rest, finally at home.